Gentle Grey
by He-Jay
Summary: War. That's what we've committed ourselves to, for the sake of peace. A peace that we, the Grand Chase, can never indulge in. But still, we have each other. In fact, that's all we have. But it is enough. If it's not enough, you won't appreciate it till it's ripped out of your hands. That's when you want it back. But they won't give it back. You'll have to fight for it. And win.


Happy Birthday Yui. This one's for you.

* * *

_Out on the second hallway in the west wing (the females__'__ quarters), Arme had her ear against a thick green door with golden swirl designs embroidered at the edges. There was no one else in the hallway except for she._

"_...still not going to see? Have you really blinded...__"__ Her voice trailed off, mumbling into some words the mage could not decipher._

"_And what, that means I have a free pass to all my problems? Do you seriously think it__'__s all that simple and we can live happily ever after no problems ever?__"_

"_That__'__s not what I mean, and you know it! You already have so much, and still you think it__'__s not enough! What more do you want from me?__"_

"_I__t'__s not about you!__"_

"_No, this is about you!__"__ Arme shivered; Lire seldom raised her voice like that, much less with such anger. __"__This is always about you because you__'__ve trapped yourself in the past while everyone else is moving on. You think it__'__ll make things better if you keep feeling guilty about all those people, all the things you__'__ve been through. You__'__ve joined the Grand Chase! You__'__ve saved the world countless times! You have us, your friends! You even found a brother! You have me!__"_

"_I__'__ve never asked to you to understand anything I__'__ve been through!__"__ he yelled back. __"__But just because you__'__ve never been through my __troubles__ doesn__'__t mean they matter less! Since when were you forced to murder elves, human, children? When were you laughed at and thrown rocks just because of who you were?__"_

"_If you really think that you__'__re irredeemable, then what about the Grand Chase? Do I matter that little to you?__"_

_Silence._

_"...I see." Most of the anger deflated from Lire's voice, but it didn't help. Her tone was one of resignation._

"_I have to go. __Elesis and Edel are waiting for me downstairs.__"__ Footsteps sounded towards the door. Arme was surprised, she barely had time to teleport back to her room, which was only a few metres away. Thankfully her presence was undetected as the elf and ninja__'__s minds were...preoccupied. The mage curled up on her bed, heart racing, and her mind replaying the words that were said in Lire__'__s room._

_Maybe she should go comfort Lire, the way she had done for all her problems with Ryan...after the mission. After the mission, both parties would have had time to cool their heads a little and see more reason than anger._

* * *

"Lire!" His usual stoicism that persisted through Amy's betrayal, Mari's disappearance, and the chaos of the dimension portals that Veigas had turned against them for that was still raging on, putting all of Aerneas in a state of global panic and warfare that the Chase were now caught up in...

All his composure was out the window when he saw her bloodied, broken form barely supported by Elesis and Edel as they had each of her arms around their shoulders, both leaders not looking all that much better.

She wasn't supposed to be caught. She was one of the masters when it came to stealth, bested by few others. Elven spies were feared and famous for their secrecy, and she was one of the elite.

Was.

Jin recalled some details as a medic patched his leg; the entire bone structure had been shattered and he was paralyzed with pain and could barely speak till the painkillers worked their magic on his mangled limb. But he told enough: A squadron of them had gone on an ambush mission across sector 364, and the plan was to trek across the Marsh of Oblivion to disable the monster troops stationed there. Lire had taken several other elven scouts to scope the general area and pinpoint possible targets. Elesis and Edel hid in some foliage a considerable distance away with several others, including Jin, waiting for the OK from Lire.

It never came.

The creatures of the marsh had spotted them. Edel had deduced that the exposure of the dimension portals had affected the animalistic creatures worldwide, making them more savage, bestial, and cunning than before, and now it was like they had minds and tricks of their own. The first two elven scouts were overwhelmed with a sheet of sickly pink gas that contained what looked like little dust particles as they reeled in pain, the poison entering through their skin and eyes.

Then Elizabeth came barreling through the swamp, her club smacking another scout aside.

The other Orcs and Slimes and other foul beasts now charged at the troops down below. The battle was on.

Elesis immediately rushed forward, now that they had lost the element of surprise. But before she could reach them, she saw Lire leap high, followed by two other elves, as they shot out a barrage of arrows, many which hit their mark but only served to further irritate the troll. But before the beast could swipe for the three, the other two scouts lashed out grappling hooks, pulling themselves towards the ground. Lire, evading the first swing of the club, quickly changed to her Great Bow, allowing its weight to accelerate her fall as she aimed a single giant arrow, right for the heart.

Then she was yanked upwards by her hair, her bow clattering to the ground. Dangling from Elizabeth's fist, she re-steeled the grip on her arrow, which she had managed to hold on to. But instead of smashing her head into a pulp, the troll simply stared at its quarry in its hand, and opened its jaws...a vomit-green fog emitted from the creature, enveloping Lire. Her body jerked for several seconds before she forcibly raised her and with all the strength she had, Lire hurled the giant arrow into the beast's gaping maw.

As the brute flailed, screaming as the Big Shot imploded within, Lire was released as she fell. Hey body was saved from a fatal impact barely as her companion, Ariel, managed to catch her at the last instant.

Without the brutish leader, the other monsters were easily slaughtered under Elesis and Edel's command. The other two elves, when fiercely accused of deserting their leader at such a critical point, merely replied, "It was the captain's call. She ordered us to sabotage it from the ground while she performed the killing blow on top."

"But she was in danger!" A young warrior, one of the newer recruits, blurted out, despite not being his place to say so.

The first elf turned, shooting a steely glare. "As the scouts of the elven corps, we follow our commander's orders, even if it means our death, or anyone else's."

Edel scanned the surroundings. "The other spies, Scout 49, 55? Report."

"And Lire?"

The two scouts went out, searching for the missing three. They came back with two bodies; one weakly coughing blood, the other barely breathing.

Elven Scout 55 was later pronounced dead in the following night.

* * *

She opened her eyes.

_She opened her eyes._

She was alive.

"Lire! Oh never in the whole face of Aerneas did I thought..." Stricken with shock and emotion, tears began to flow from her face as she flung her staff aside, clinging onto the elder's shirt as she began to cry shamelessly. "This isn't a dream, right? You're really alive, right? Right?" she called out. "Lire!"

For several seconds the elf did not respond, her vision blankly flicking around the surroundings. As her eyes slowly cleared under the fluorescent light, the sharp smell of human medical substances hit her nose, and she could feel the papery surface of the over her. Raising a hand, her eyes traced down the bandages that were wrapped around her limbs, her torso, everything. They were like vines, entangling her in a mass of uncomfortable sterile cloth strips.

Resisting the urge to rip them off, she turned to the girl that was sobbing into her nightshirt. A quiet emotion, akin to pity, welled within her as she gently patted the head of the crying girl. "Shh, it's okay..."

"It's _not _okay!" she cried into the nightshirt, refusing to look up. "What were you thinking, Lire? How could this have...oh..."

Despite being the one who suffered the most casualties, Lire gently put her arms around the childlike magician, stroking her head and murmuring meaningless elven words meant to comfort. She made her movements deliberate and slow; already her injuries were flaring even though her actions were minimal.

Perhaps she should be feeling gratified that the Creators have spared her life from what surely could have been an excruciatingly painful death. Maybe she was to feel remorse for troubling this human child that was wetting her nightshirt and perhaps the others. Or was she to feel anger at her failure?

But why did she not feel any of these things?

How queer that she felt strangely calm, despite her mind feeling somewhat fuzzy(possibly a side-effect of the human medication.) Well, calm wasn't the perfect word for it. She felt more...light. Like a great burden and weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She did not know what to feel other than a faint bewilderment at this girl's intimacy and tears.

"Lire, are you feeling okay?" Arme looked up, her face pale with worry at her friend's unresponsiveness. There was no cheerful glint in her eyes as the elf studied her with a curious blankness. Even her hand that soothed her head felt a little off.

"I am...tired." She got the words out with difficulty, her voice coming out as a rasp for not having been used for so long.

Realization struck Arme; of course, Lire had only just woken up! She cursed herself for being so careless of her friend's needs. What Lire needed right now wasn't a celebration or a party; she needed medication, peace, and lots of rest! "Sorry!"

Lire nodded in turn, allowing the smaller girl to ease her to bed and pull the covers over the rest of her bandages body. Arme continued to talk, saying that it was a miracle that she was indeed alive, that the others were anxious to see her, especially Lass. ("The guy takes it way too seriously sometimes! Then again, it's you...")

As Arme continued to chatter merrily, giddy with relief, she failed to notice Lire's confusing frown.

Now that everyone was back safe and sound, they would all take a nice, long rest. ("At least, till our next mission. But we all need a little break especially after another team of theirs succeeded in defeating the Ascendant God, so Knight Master can't say anything! Hee!") And as soon as Lire was well enough to walk, she_ had_ to go find Lass and calm him down. ("He just might kill himself with worrying over you! He actually did something like that, funny story...")

Sleep settled over her eyes like a blanket of new snow as Lire felt herself drifting away...

How tired she was! She had so many questions, but she would ask them tomorrow.

* * *

"She's awake?" He was the first to confront Arme as she stepped out of the intensive care unit of the infirmary. The mage did not respond, only stepping aside to reveal an elf clad in bandages, walking slowly. Several had tried to offer her assistance, but she refused. She was a warrior, and elven warriors held their own.

"Lire..." Unable to say more, he stepped forward and gathered her up in a careful embrace. He wanted to hold her tightly and never let her go, but he tried to be gentle with his grip as she looked like she would (literally) fall apart at the slightest pressure.

She stiffened momentarily in his arms, and Lass halted, wondering if he had caused her pain. But a moment later she raised her arms in turn, calmly patting his back as if to reassure him.

It was the same Lire, but why...he looked in confusion as he felt himself being lightly pushed away; usually he was the one to break any prolonged physical contact. And right now he didn't want to let her go.

Lire did not understand the array of baffled looks that were aimed at her. She was never like this, not with Lass. The Lire they knew would have cherished this rare moment where Lass had initiated physical contact, and here she was, being respectfully formal. Perhaps she was aware that there were other people and wanted privacy?

"Are you all right?" Her hand touched his shoulder gently. "It must have been quite difficult for you as well."

"I...I'm fine. But what about you?"

"What do you mean?" She formed a careful smile. "I am well. These injuries," she flexed her arms, "are only temporary. You need not concern yourself over me so much, Sir Lass."

She pricked her ears, confused as everyone fell silent. Even Lime, with all her liveliness, ceased her encouraging chatter.

"Elf, think you're being too harsh on him." Sieghart jested lightly. "Kid's been up half the night by your bedside 'n' all. Give him some credit."

"Sir Sieghart?" She frowned, then turned to Lass. "I appreciate your concern, but we are in the main castle, which holds a measure of safety. Your worry is quite misplaced and excessive."

Feeling the uncomfortable gazes of the others in the room, Lass grasped Lire's hand(one of the few body parts that weren't bandaged) and headed out the doors, mumbling an inaudible, "Give us a moment."

Once they were out in a corridor, Lass turned to Lire: "What's gotten into you?"

She raised her eyebrows at the accusation in his voice as she calmly replied, "That is my question. We are equal comrades, yet you exercise a demanding and domineering attitude towards me. Why is that? Do you believe that you are my better in combat?"

What the Hell?

"Lire, stop talking like that. We promised to look out for each other, remember? We..."

"Lire!"

She turned, and the relief was obvious on her face. "Ah, Miss Rin. Could you perhaps guide me back to the infirmary? I feel a little light-headed."

The girl looked at Lire, then at Lass, then Lire again. "O...Of course!"

Lass hesitated, but let go. He turned towards the right corner of the hallways, the voices still reaching his ears:

"What's with you and Lass? Did you upset him?"

"No, I am sure I did not. He is a comrade of the Grand Chase and I accorded him respect and politeness like any other."

"...Lire, weren't you and he...um...a couple?"

"A couple?"

"Well, you guys cared a lot for each other, right?"

"...As fighting and travelling companions, yes. If you mean the concept of romance..." Here she expressed slight amusement. "Such things do not suit me."

His mask remained stoic, but inside his mind, the world was thrown into chaos at those simple words.

* * *

"What do you mean?" Normally preferring to stay on the backside of things, Lass was studying the research papers with a tense expression that hid an even more nervous heart.

The battle technician looked up, pink eyes unblinking. Var had analyzed Lire's uncharacteristic behaviour and speech for several hours. A creature of magic created by Grandiel to protect what remained of the once-vast empire of Kounat from external forces, he (or she? Var might have been asexual for all they knew), he took a great interest those like his creator, the light-elves. Var was originally stationed in Archemedia, helping the Grand Chase in their travels through the continent...but after Grandiel's and Ashtaroth's demise, he had willingly accompanied them back to Bermesiah. He was a useful addition, especially since Mari...had gone with an old friend. Or enemy. Whatever.

"I mean what I said." He began to tidy up the scattered files. "This 'Elizabeth' creature originally had the ability to consume the memories and knowledge of its victims, did it not?" He held up a corked bottle containing purple fluid. "This is the essence of every dimension gate, regardless of location. Right now, this (he shook the vial) is within the bodies of every monster on Aerneas. If not now, then soon."

"And that relates to Lire...how?"

Ignoring Lass's irritation, Var continued, "This extract matches the troll's bloodstains on Miss Lire's scarf. And comparing it to the troll's original profile," He held up a document that made no sense to the assassin, "It seems that the beast's powers have...evolved. And Miss Lire had taken a direct hit from it."

"Get to the point already." His patience ran thin.

"Calm down, boy. Before, the creature could only consume memories once its victim was completely incapacitated. That's why the original three Chasers survived. But thanks to the dimension gates, its powers developed so that it can consume both memories _and_ the emotions of it as well, even during physical combat, with great efficiency.

"All sentient creatures, even when their memories are taken from their conscious, can recover their memories if given sufficient time and power. But emotion always come first. Because what the mind can't recall, the heart remembers. And now Miss Lire's lost that ability, too."

He struggled to understand. This couldn't be happening. "But she knows everyone. She remembered my name. She knows the Grand Chase."

"Those are the mainframes of her memory." Finally organizing the last files, Var sifted through the contents of a bulky binder. "I've asked her questions, and yes, she is aware that she is part of the Grand Chase. She remembers most of the members, and since you're one of the earlier people who joined, she remembers saving you as well. The bare structures of her recollections are untouched. She can recall Eryuelle Island as well."

"But...?" Lass prompted.

"But she doesn't know any significance of any relationship other than fighting together. I told you, her ability to remember her emotions of certain memories were also sealed. Simply put, she doesn't remember any deep spiritual, platonic, or romantic bonding with any of the Grand Chase. I've never seen such a versatile creature capable of doing such!...It seems I must analyze more data...this is truly unlike any magical or mechanical schematics I have come across..."

Var was now talking more to himself, entering one of those trances again. But none of his explanations answered any of Lass's questions, only raising more. It made him feel helpless, something he felt many times before and loathed to feel it again. He shook Var's shoulder. "What can I do to fix it? How can I fix it? Tell me!"

An electrical shock immediately loosened the Striker's grip as he leapt back.

"Careful, young man." Var looked at Lass from the corner of his eye. "I do not like to be rushed and ordered around by children. I will consult with the other technicians and mages of the Guild to see if there is some way to restore Miss Lire's memories and emotional capacity. In the meantime, I suggest you and the others explain to her the nature of the current situation, gently if you must. Miss Lire is highly resilient and perhaps she can restore a portion of her mind by herself."

"..."

"Now, leave. I wish to focus on the task at hand." The elder waved him off.

* * *

Lire graciously thanked everyone's inquiries about her health, accepted apologies, praise, and remarks on her skill and miraculous survival, and even allowed herself to be persuaded to stay in the infirmary for a few more days at the behest of the Leader. But her confusion and worry continued to rise as she sensed everyone's discomfort, casting worrying, even regretful, glances towards her. What had she done wrong? When she asked this, Elesis only said,

"Nothing you could have prevented." Her voice was gruff. "Don't worry about it, Lire."

"But I do not understand, Miss Elesis. Why is everyone so..."

"Elesis. Just Elesis. I don't do the whole 'Missy' thing."

Lire smiled. "I understand that it's human custom to address one another so casually, but I am not yet prepared for that. I only mean respect."

Elesis remembered how long it took for the elf to finally drop formalities and overly polite talk. It was a maddeningly slow process, but Lire had opened up to them, bit by bit, till she was truly one of the Grand Chase not solely as a member, but a trusted companion and friend that would gladly go with her to the ends of the world if need be. Now, she had closed up again. Why did she have to face Elizabeth head on? Why didn't she try to stop her?

"...I need to go." Elesis covered her eyes and speed-walked out of the room.

Watching the retreating figure, Lire settled back as a medic paused beside her bed, checking her vital signs and smiling briefly before exiting again. Everyone seemed angry, frustrated, depressed, worried...and she felt nothing. Her mind was like a still pool of water, untouched and clear. It was a peace that had been...hard to find, especially in times of war like such. Perhaps she could sleep again, this time with no troubling dreams...

As she slumbered, he brought a stool to her bedside, just like he had been doing so for the past few days. His brother said it was a creepy and stalker-ish thing to do, watch her sleep like that right beside her bed, but this was from a paranoid bounty hunter that did who-knows-what with his girlfriend, the chatty one with sparkles in her eyes.

He and Lire rarely argued, but the one before this mission was the worst. Both sides had actually raised voices, though it was he who shouted first. It eventually became a quarrel without reason, where one was trying to defeat the other. She admonished him for having so little faith in her, himself, and not truly caring for her the same way she cared for him, and he in turn criticized her lack of understanding and not giving him any consideration of what he was going through as well.

Then, she left.

Most of these arguments ended in Lire apologizing first, him apologizing as well, sharing a hug and heartfelt kiss. When he was waiting for Lire to return from the Marsh of Oblivion, he was starting to think that maybe he was the one more at fault, having foolishly blown his temper like that, and after a long talk with Ronan and Arme, he was ready to beg for forgiveness upon her return, swearing that he would never, ever hurt her like that again...

Listening to her soft breathing, he felt his angry thoughts, his self-criticism at his own incapability, and his regrets, all temporarily drift away. He wanted to swear to her, promise her that he would find her lost memory, and this time, accept her love without a shred of doubt or fear like he had so often, and maybe even hope for a future together. The Lire before this...this accident would beam at such a declaration, whispering a "thank you" before embracing him in warmth.

Would she come back?

Maybe that Lire was still there, somewhere beneath the mass of bandages and the polite face. It was a bit too early for hope to flower, but the seeds were already sown.

* * *

...and next part, I leave to you ;) It's our old game, remember?


End file.
